Hurricanes

Thankfully they didn't hit us. And trust me, we are truly thankful. We are praying for those families who were hit and still haven't made it to their homes.

The day after Hurricane Ike hit, I needed gas in my Durango. We drove around to so many gas stations, only to find "No Gas" signs or gas that was over $5 a gallon. So we headed to post. They did have gas, but this is what was posted on the gas pump.




If you can't see the sign it says "Limited 10 gallons". And if you look closer at the gallons and price, 2.2 gallons was already over $10. Crazy.

Those signs are still posted on every gas station here in Augusta, GA. Some gas stations are still out of gas.




On a side note.....I've been looking at this car for a long time. I love the new Dodge Journey. Even had the guts to go test drive it last May. OMG fell in love with it. I want one so bad. Especially with the new baby coming. Anyways....we can't get one right now, maybe not ever, but they gave me a book on it and I look at it every now and then. My daughter Emily however, looks at it a lot more than I. I catch her at least once a day looking at it, lol. She even tells Jeff to go get mommy her new car, lol.

You've got to be kidding me

I was on Foxnews today and came across this.

Sean "Diddy" Combs wants you to know celebrities are feeling the rise in gas prices, too, and wants his "Saudi Arabia brothers and sisters" to help him out.

"Gas prices are too motherf-----g high," he says in his latest YouTube video. "As you know, I do have my own jet, but I've been having to fly back and forth to L.A. pursuing my acting career . Now, if I'm flying back and forth twice a month, that's like $200,000, $250,00 round trip. F--- that. I'm back on American Airlines."

The hip-hop mogul recorded the video blog in an unspecified airport while walking through the terminal and getting on a plane.

Diddy made a plea for some free oil.

"Give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabia brothers and sisters and all the brothers and sisters in all the countries that have oil — if you could please send me some oil for my jet, I would truly appreciate it," Diddy says, showing his commercial jet boarding pass to the camera.

Taking a stab at the upcoming political election, Diddy wants to make sure politicians understand his frustration.

"Can you believe this? I'm actually flying commercial — that's how high gas prices are. I'm at the gate right now. This is really happening — proof gas prices are too high. Tell whoever the next president is, we need to bring gas prices down. ... I can't believe I'm flying commercial. ... Even your boy is affected by gas prices."

Is he seriously, serious? You have more money than you know what to do with and you are complaining about flying commercially. Seriously man. Why don't you take some of that money and feed some of the starving kids in the world. Or do some good with it period instead of complaining that you have to fly commercially instead of flying in your "Private Jet". Geez. This is why the world is the way it is.

Try worrying about whether or not you have enough gas in your car to take your kids back and forth to school. Seriously now, free gas for your private jet.

God has a plan

Right? That's what I gotta keep telling myself. I tell myself that every day when I get up. I have to keep saying it. I've always been told that everything happens for a reason. That there's a plan for everyone. That's how I was raised. I keep having my doubts. Wondering what my reason in this life is because right now I feel like a failure.

I've tried talking to people, but they chalk it up to pregnancy hormones. I feel otherwise. Sure my life could be a whole lot worse than it is. Trust me I know that. I'm not stupid or oblivious to that fact. I know it. I feel blessed in lots of ways. God has been good to us. But I feel like I'm failing as a mom and as a wife. I can't provide everything for my kids. And sometimes I feel like I can't provide them the support and love they need. Don't judge me for saying that. I just feel that way. And yeah when I first found out I was pregnant with our 3rd baby, I cried for days. All I kept asking myself was how were we going to provide for this baby, when we can't afford the two kids we already have. I feel beyond horrible about that. No we weren't trying. I was told this baby was a miracle because they didn't see how I could get pregnant again. I guess that's why I feel like God has a plan. I just wish I knew what that plan was.



This is a little off subject, but I need to get it out. I've been trying to help this one girl find a place to live here. Her family will be PCSing here next year. Tonite she bragged about how much money they had in the bank. I hate when people do that. And don't say, well if you had that much money you would brag too. No I wouldn't. I'm not that type of person. If we had as much money as she has I would be helping people with it.

But yeah I guess if I had that much money, then I wouldn't be writing this blog to vent my frustrations. I don't know.

Sorry this post is all over the place and screwy. I'm just a beyond upset pregnant mom who just needs to vent.

Book Wish List

Since I started working out, I've been reading just about anything I can get my hands on. Which meant I was re-reading a lot of books. So one day Emily and I went to Borders looking for bargain books. Gotta love those bins. I found a BIG book and it was only $1 so I bought it. It's title "Little Lady, Big Apple", by Hester Browne. After reading through the first few pages, I realized it was a sequel book, so of course I had to go and get the first book. It's called "The Little Lady Agency". I fell in love with the book. So much that I was working out for 2 hours or more at a time just to read it. I ride a stationary bike and an elliptical so somehow I manage to hold a book. I finished it within three days. Then started on the second, "Little Lady, Big Apple". It was even better. Again I read it in three days. I honestly didn't want to stop reading. I find out that Hester Browne was coming out with a third book in the series, "Little Lady and the Prince". I had to wait a week to get it, so for that week I had to read magazines. I think I could tell anyone who wanted to listen what their horoscope was going to be for three months, lol. Finally I get the third book and I finished it this morning. I loved it even more than the first two. But sadly I hear it's the last installment of Miss Melissa Romney-Jones. Is it weird to feel like you've lost a best friend? I want the series to go on. They are such great reads.

I googled Hester Browne and these are her only books. So I did one of those "if you like this book you'll like this one" things. I have thirteen books that sound very promising, plus I got two more today. I bought "p.s. I Love You" and "Other Bolyen Girl" and yes both are movies, but I always like to read the book before seeing the movie. By the way "The Green Mile" book is way better than the movie. So is "In Her Shoes" by Jennifer Weiner. I have also read all of her books and am waiting until her next one comes out in April.

So here is my wish list. I've babbled on too much. But I gotta say, I do love to read.

1. Midori by Moonlight by: Wendy Nelson Tokunaga
2. After You'd Gone by: Maggie O'Farrell
3. Playing James, High Society, and The Party Season by: Sarah Mason
4. Confessions of a Failed Grown Up by: Stephanie Calman
5. The Nanny Diaries by: Nicola Kraus and Emma McLaughlin (yes also a movie)
6. Waiting for Birdy by: Catherine Newman
7. Seeing Me Naked by: Liza Palmer
8. The Half Life of Stars by: Louise Wener
9. The Starter Wife by: Gigi Levangie (a TV series)
10. An Offer You Can't Refuse by: Jill Mansell
12. Something Borrowed and Something Blue by Emily Giffin
13. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (the new version with help notes)

There are more than thirteen books there actually, some Authors I've chosen have two or three books I would like to read.

If you are seriously looking for something to read I would highly recommend anything by Jennifer Weiner and Hester Browne. I loved loved loved their books.

Food and feeling sorry for myself

I started writing down things I eat, when I eat them, and how I feel when I eat them. After reading the passages I have come to realize I eat too much when I feel stressed, lonely, sad.....and so on. It's 1am and I just baked cookies. I write down, "I baked cookies at 1am". Why? I think I am having a pitty party for myself. And for reasons I wont explain. Well not here.


On a good note...my sister is trying to help me get into a school back home. Maybe it will help me feel more productive with my life....since I can't seem to find a stinking job.

$9000

So for the last few weeks the girls and I have been going back and forth to the dentist. After the initial visit they work up a custom work order for your mouth. Poor Allyson was blessed to get my horrible teeth. My teeth aren't strong. They say it's lack of calcium in my system. Hello allergic to dairy.

Anyways took fix only Allyson's teeth will cost us...........$2600. That's with dental insurance. Why so much???? Because they have to make her sleep each time. Insurance pays none of that. Not one bit. It's almost $200 each time. Emily's will cost around $1000. Again hers is just for sealants and stuff, but because of the stupid knock out medicine we have to pay out the butt. Now to mine. To fix my teeth will cost us over $5000. Why???? I blame it on not proper dental care as a kid. My parents did have dental insurance and well for that matter they didn't even have medical insurance. My teeth have never been perfect. I hate my smile. The lack of calcium makes them very susceptible to breakage and infection. I have had two infections in the last two months. I'm on antibotics now.

Yeah I know I shouldn't have waited so long on the girls teeth either. Especially after my experiences, but I'm trying to take care of it now. I just didn't think it would cost so dag on much.

So if you got an extra $9000 lying around, mind donating it to the Fread Girls Dental Work Fund? LOL

Depression

My mom has battled with it for as long as I can remember. Honestly I will say I always thought it was "in her head". I figured if she really wanted to, she could be happy. She could be like the rest of us, you know "normal". I talked to my doctor here recently and of course she asked me about my medical history. I had to fill out this survey that seemed to ask everything except where I went to school.

As she sat down, read the forms I had just filled out, she says, "So your mother suffers from depression." I said yes. She then goes into this how spill about how it can be passed on to family members. I of course in my head was going "yeah right, ok, whatever." I should have been listening, I guess. The survey I had filled out was about depression. Apparently she thinks I'm a good candidate for it. I refused to believe so. Again going back to the whole mentality that it's all "in her head". I don't want to believe I have it.

Here lately the people around me keep asking me if I'm ok. Am I happy? Jeff keeps asking if I am mad at him. The girls seem not to want to be around me anymore. And it's my fault. In truth, I am not happy. Yes I am mad. And I really wish my girls wanted to be around me more.

Why am I not happy? I honestly hate this place. I thought I had made a couple of friends, but nope I was wrong. One doesn't want to hang out because I have kids (she has none) and one recently ignored me at Wal-mart. I've been here 7 months and have honestly nothing to show for it. Ok, so yeah I do. I now have big puffy bags under my eyes. Bad news is, I'm not getting out of here any time soon. Jeff was told the other day he would be locked into this unit 2 more years. And I honestly think he isn't trying anymore.

So could I be depressed? I guess, but I still don't want to believe it.
I know some people out there don't believe it, they have the same mentality as me. But I'm starting to think I am wrong.